In Movies on May 24, 2013 at 5:22 AM

What is up with the latest Bond franchises? It would appear as though MGM, the studio responsible for the 007 movies has lost their way. As I watch the movies, I am no longer in awe of the action, nor am I excited to see the action unfold. I am, however in live with the beautiful Bond Girls, but recently, story wise, its been….less than stellar. For one, I get that the new set are prequel films that set up the story leading to Dr. No. What I don’t get is how M is a female, when Dame Judy Dench didn’t become M until after Bernard Goldberg died, just before Goldeneye was produced. How can she be the first, and last M? That’s just physically impossible, unless Daniel Craig is going to remake all of the previous films…….

Odd Job was the greatest villain simply because if that bowler with the razor edged brim. I wanted that hat since since I wad ten, and still want to cut the heads from statues, despite what they claimed on Mythbusters. Goldfinger was a fantastic movie, and a great story.

Speaking of story, it seems as though the Bond films have decided to blow their budgets on car chases and explosions, rather than plot or storyline. Goldeneye was the final, plot driven movie in the franchise, or so it would appear to me.

Olga (I can’t spell her last name) did a great job as the latest Bond Girl; well she fit the mold anyhow. Beautiful, exotic, tall, thin…etc…. I do enjoy the puns in the previous films. Puns such as Pussy Galore, Plenty O’Toole Xena Onnatopp, and so forth…Xena being my favourite!

The cars are of course top of the line British sports cars, just decked out with machine guns and rocket launchers and other gadgets that make it nowhere near street legal in any country, but then again, being a 00 Agent with a License To Kill is not exactly legal, either…

When they decided to go with a blond actor named Daniel Craig, people complained. They said “A blond Bond? Please!” He apparently did a fantastic job, otherwise MGM wouldn’t have banked the franchise on him. When they made him switch from his shaken, not stirred martini to a beer, people complained…but Heineken made a jillion dollars from advertising, so the fans just have to stick with it, I suppose. I for one, didn’t complain, mainly because I haven’t cared to watch a Bond film since I lost interest after The World is Not Enough. That movie was enough to turn me off of Bond all together. Not to mention the tie-in video game was a waste, but I digress.

Bond still has the potential to be great, even if they have scrapped the idea of humanizing him like they did in On Her Majesty’s Royal Service. That one saw George Lazenby as Bond in his only 007 film, and he took a wife. Sure he was offered money, but he turned down the money and MARRIED FOR LOVE! When she was killed, Bond actually allowed himself a tear! That was the only “human” movie and moment our 00 Agent ever had. Why people hated that film, I will never know. Hell, Moonraker sucked eggs, and people loved Roger Moore? I lost interest in that movie when every creature in one scene did a double take! My father said that in the book, Moonraker had nothing to do with Space, but seeing as Star Wars made a tonne of money…..every movie in that year HAD TO have a space theme…..not to mention, the second greatest Bond villain, Jaws found love and spoke…what the hell, man? Great villains don’t need love and certainly don’t need to speak! Thank God Odd Job just grunted!

Ever notice how each movie in a franchise needs more baddies than the previous film? TWINE had Zukouzsky (or however you spell it), Sophie Marceau’s character, the thug with the gol?den teeth….. Goldeneye had Xena, Alec, Ouromouv, and once again, Zoukovzky. A little much, but Natalia made up for it… Goldfinger had Pussy Galore, Goldfinger (duh) and the aforementioned Odd Job. I can’t reneger which, but one of the Bond films had a villain named Tee-hee. Not complaining, but I do enjoy the name!

The stunts are also a bit much now. Hell Roger Moore jumped over several gators to escape, where Sean Connery just shot, or fought his way out. I believe it was Tomorrow Never Dies that saw Bond and his soon to be suitor jump a motorcycle in to a window. Who thinks of these things? I for one, liked the jet ski that was in one film.

The merchandising is also lacking. It seems that EA, in their bid to ruin video games have decided to make Bond Games just to rake in the money. Rogue Agent, Agent Under Fire, Nightlife, all terrible games. Goldeneye was the last great Bond game. I’m sure that whatever Craig’s third 00 movie will be will have a video game tie-in, and I’m equally, if not moreso sure that it will suck.

Now on to actors that have portrayed our loveable, killing, fighting, womanizer. Sean Connery left because he felt he was being typecast. Well, MGM gave him a lot of money and they remade Thunderball, and called it Never Say Never. I have already talked about Geroge Lazenby, but he gets another shoutout because it’s my blog, and I can do that. Roger Moore left after a handful of awful movies because he felt that he was too old to play the character. Timothy Dalton played 007 in a few decent movies in the later half of the 80’s or early 90’s. When he left, they found Pierce Brosnon, who in my opinion was the last good actor to play the role. As I have mentioned, I haven’t watched them after TWINE, so I cannot say yay or nay on Daniel Craig, but I do like a man who drinks his Heineken. Hopefully it’s neither shaken, nor stirred!

The two actors who made up the Q Division where both great. John Clease and Desmond Llewellyn where great and Q and R respectively, but none will replace Jack Wade, the CIA agent who helped Bond while in Cuba in Goldeneye. He was funny, and he had the oppertunity to drive Bond’s decked out Aston Martin!

I hope that someone at MGM will see this blog and make a GOOD bond film again. They have the talent pool of all of Hollywood to choose from. I’m sure that SOMEONE there can think of a good, plot driven, yet action and gadget packed story for 007 to get into…..right? Hell, hire some animators and make a comouter-generated Bond film for all I care, just make it ggood and entertaining!

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