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Archive for August, 2013|Monthly archive page

Jobs

In annoyances on August 21, 2013 at 3:59 AM

For those of you that know me, you know that I’ve done nothing but manual labor for the last 20 years. So, when my friend approached me and said that he had an opportunity to make me rich, I was like “cool, let’s do it”…

I should’ve listened to my brothers when they said don’t do it, but I’m a stubborn Irish kid, so, I went ahead and went to the free open house. My brother said he had gone through the same process and found that it was a scam. I didn’t listen… I paid the outrageous (at the time) fee of one hundred American dollars for a background check and to pay for the training to get my license to sell life insurance.

My first week was great; I did whatever it was i had to do to get my auto insurance license…and thats when I stopped. I never got licensed for their big money items, so they lost interest in me.

One day at their meetings, the head of the company asked me “when are you going to make money in this business?” To which I replied “When you stop hating the people I’m bringing in” i said that, you see because he would tell me “these aren’t quality people…” I was perplexed becaused I was following their guidelines. The only problem that i could see was that the people I had brought in lived in my neighborhood, and thus not the upper society that he wanted.

This went on for a year before I told them to take this job and shove it. The only remorse that I felt was that the guy who had brought me into the company was a good friend; my best friend, even. After I told him that working for a commission only job wasn’t helping put food on the table, and that I needed something stable, he quit talking to me. He acted like a jerk and I told him to fuck off. They told me that someone would be by to collect the “sensitive”material that they had given me. Well, two months went by and I heard not a peep. Mama, however mentioned that she wanted a BBQ, so I rolled the material onto nice little balls and set then with the charcoal. It was “material that if it fell into the wrong hands, could bring devastation to the world” (their actual words), so, me, being the nice guy that I am…set fire to that sumbitch! They where a shit company, but made some damn good burgers! Woo!

They also told me too be humble and modest, yet almost every car I’m their parking lot was either a BMW, a Lexus, or a Mercedes! Nothing from any of them say humility, or modesty… The second in charge said that some of the guys had families and needed a larger car…have they not heard of Ford, Chevy, Dodge, Toyota, Honda, Hyundai…any small minivan? Fucking liars!

Review of a pipe

In pipe, pipe smoking, pipes on August 16, 2013 at 11:19 PM

I posted an entry on how to smoke a pipe, and now I am going to review the one I purchased this afternoon.

It’s a cob, and as anyone who knows me can tell you, I love them…well, I love what the Missouri Meercham company produces, anyhow. This pipe, while a decent smoke, it falls far short of the quality that MM strives for. My first clue that it was a knock-around was the fact that it has no name. Just a sticker that read “The Original Corn Cobb Pipe”, whereas MM brands theirs with the name.

This one feels like a Droid with a bad motivator made it. The shank enters at a slight angle; the tenon connecting the stem to shank is bent; the air hole is too small; the tobacco chamber is to narrow; and, as I type this,i just discovered a burnout… Needless to say, it’s in the bin. I’m just surprised that the bottom didn’t go out first…

MM sands theirs down smooth, this one had the feel of a raw cob, which doesn’t feel good in your hand. The entire (one) time I smoked it, I was fearful that I would get a sliver stuck I’m my hand…if you fear your pipe, then you can’t enjoy your pipe.

The smoke itself was fine…that is once I got it lit. The shank wasn’t birch, and had an air hole near the connection, which drew all the air out when you tried to puff.

It was priced the same as what MM charges for roughly the same (better) design, so I’m only out about 5 bucks. Not everything made in China is better. iPads, yes, pipes definitely not!

Dear readers, I caution you, only buy the real Missouri Meercham corn cob pipe!

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The cob before I smoked it…

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And after!

The return of the NFL, or, why I don’t care

In Sports on August 15, 2013 at 3:00 AM

Recently, the National Football League announced that bags, and seat cushions are no longer allowed in NFL stadiums. They also banned endzone celebrations because it “taunts” the other team…
Meanwhile, the NHL hasn’t banned, or changed anything related to the fans. When your favorite NFL star gets three touchdowns, you can’t throw your hat on to the field lest you be ejected. The NHL says it’s not ok, but if you want to celebrate Marion Gaborik getting a hat trick, throw your hat on the ice! The ice crew will just scoop it up and you can pick it up at the local sporting goods store tomorrow.

I get that the NFL is more, if not the most popular sport in the country, but if you keep banning simple things like a seat cushion, your fans are going to walk away. Also, changing the rules to make sure everyone has the same opportunities, does not teach kids to work hard and be rewarded; kids will start to complain and then their little league teams will change the rule to where a ball hit to second is a home run, because that is how far one player can hit. The NFL changes their rule book every season.some for the good, but mostly for the bad. For instance, if the home team likes a shinny ball, but the away team wants it dull, the home team’s equipment manager must rush our and wipe the the ball off before the play can progress…I’m so not kidding here! The NHL says “thou want a different puck? Though shit”.

I do like the rule in the NFL about helmet-to-helmet contact. However, I don’t like that they haven’t set up any concrete rules for helmet on helmet contact; they seem to pick and choose what is and what isn’t allowed. The NHL just says don’t hit a guy against the boards from behind (and pay Gary Bettman)

You see, dear readers, I hate that the NFL changes the rules and pays players this outrageous sum, and expects the fans to pay for a bag. I’m not joking when I say tell a woman she can’t bring her purse with her…if you’re still alive then you know what I’m talking about!

How to smoke a pipe

In pipe smoking on August 13, 2013 at 2:22 AM

As I strut about town, my pipe clenched firmly in my jaws, people have been asking me how to do it. I’m going to assume that you already have a pipe and if not, buy yourself a corn cob.

Now, I always keep my pipe near by, be it in a pocket, or my night table. Always near my tobacco and lighter. There are several methods as to how pack the tobak, but because I’m lazy, we will go over the most common.

The three pinch method, so named because you fill a bowl with only three pinches of tobacco. First, you grab one small pinch, pressing in with a small amount of pressure…like what you use with a newborn child, then you grab another, slightly bigger pinch, also packing it with a bit more force. They call this the “lady finger” finally, you use one last “man sized”pinch, and press it into the bowl.

You want your tobacco to be even with the top of the pipe bowl. Press down with your thumb before lighting it. Now on to lighting.

Some say that you shouldn’t use butane lighters, such as Bic because they leave your pipeweed tasting funny. It’s bull shit; leave the flame burning a few second to burn off any gasses. Spread the flame around with a clockwise motion, taking short puffs, and DO NOT INHALE! Draw the smoke into your mouth and out again; simple, no? Give the tobacco a tamp with any flat metal (never plastic) tool, and light again. Don’t get upset if the pipe goes out, as that is normal. Just relight. You will need that tamp often, so keep it near by. If you lose one, head to any cigar shop, as they all cater to pipe smokers and tell the fellow that you want a pipe tool. He’ll probably provide you with many options, but get the “three in one” as it will have all the needed options.

When you are done, just scoop out the little bit of burned, out unburned tobacco called “dottle” and put a pipe cleaner down the stem (mouthpiece) and let it touch the far end of the bowl. Depending on your smoking, you may need to leave it for 2-24 hours. If you can’t, then get more. There if no logical reason for a pipe smoker not to have at least 2 pipes on hand. I personally have 3.

You can store them in a fancy pipe rack out in an old egg carton, just remember they go bowl down, stem up, and always clean before and after each use! Many happy years to the fellow piper!

Keep calm and smoke a pipe

We’ll be right back after these messages…

In annoyances on August 2, 2013 at 1:03 AM

What is up with commercials? I get that they are how stations pay their employees and pay for great programming like Family Ties, but most are annoying. What the heck is a “skin tag” and how does one get it? I’ve seen it a million times, and I still have no idea what one is.
The shapewear commercials are just as annoying. I like big women, ok, but these commercials with these good looking women that are cramming into clothes that are intentionally too small…it’s stupid. Be happy with yourself!
The sponge pillow thing where the trucker says “My back feels good, and my bottom feels good” is CREEPY AS FUDGE! That just sounds dirty, and eerie coming from that guy. Maybe it’s his delivery, or the director…?
I like the commercials that are selling products that I want, mainly because I want them… Commercials for TV shows are annoying, but I don’t watch them, so I cannot comment on them…the life insurance commercials that used to feature Alec Trebeck could get a pass if he grew that mustache again…all men need a stache…
The medication commercias are annoying because the side effects are worse than the cure! Take this pill…there is a chance, however slim that you will get cancer. Good news, no more fake pain…oh…sorry about the cancer thing…..fucktards! I know that one test subject out of thousands got cancer while on the medication, and rather than a long, dawn out legal battle, they included it in the symptoms…but come on!
Some commercials are not intentionally funny, but are. The Shamwow! commercials, for instance are hilarious because that Vince feller got beaten up by a prostitute…every time I see that dude, I end up laughing! And the Slapchop for the same reasons…
Billy Mays. Gone, but not forgotten. The OxyClean commercials while not exactly annoying, they still had some hilarity. “BILLY MAYS HERE!” was the sound of my childhood. I still believe that the US Mint should make a demoniation of bills that is $19.99, and call it the Billy Mays dollar. Because $20 is an outrageous price apparently….
All tampon commercials, all incotenence commercials, any commercial not featuring Nick Offerman, or his mustache…pretty much all of TV is annoying…

If you have any comments to add, feel free to leave them. Thanks for reading!

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