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Archive for September, 2013|Monthly archive page

Let your fingers do the walking?

In annoyances on September 28, 2013 at 1:02 PM

As I sit here, I’m staring at an ancient relic. Not the lost remnants of the Magna Carta, but rather the Yellow Pages. It got me thinking who uses this anymore?

Back in its day, “the book” was it. You needed something, you looked it up in the phone book. Nowadays we have Google. I needs some info one day, and thought my mother would be able to help…she reached for the phone book! With the advent of the Internet, we don’t need it.

Why aren’t the environmentalists picketing their offices? Its well over a thousand pages…pages that are made of paper…paper that comes from trees! Hippie people love trees, no? They are cluttering up the neighborhood with their books, books that people don’t need. They should make it so that if you want it, you go down to an office, pay a small fee and they give it to you. This opening the door every year and seeing a shitty yellow bag with a fat waste of paper is asinine!

I get that the elderly use it, but most of us have the internet, and thus a book containing outdated phone numbers and address is useless. Every year I can, I catch the Yellow Pages guy and tell him “dude, I have the internet, your services are obsolete; thank you anyway”, and every time he says the same thing “I only get paid if I come back with an empty load”. Now me, not wanting to deprive anyone of an honest day’s pay, I take the book, but I always throws them out.

There are some institutions that still use them; the library for one, and they provide a service that the public can use. I don’t know why, given that then library has free internet and most have free WiFi, so once again, why do they still produce them? Hotels use them, and I guess its for the foreign tourist, but other than that…useless to a good portion of today’s market. Also, most people who travel have GPS, and most use their phone….where the internet is…so…..yeah…..not getting why the government or private enterprises are funding this relic from a bygone era.

Growing up we didn’t have the internet as it is now. If you wanted some tidbit of information, you had to use “the book” and “let your fingers do the walking”, but that was more than two decades ago, as I’ve said before, Google changed that. Granted, there are sometimes when we don’t have our internet and the “book” is my only option.
Come to think of it, I did use the phone book recently. I grew up in an era where we where taught how to look things up using guide words, so I found what I needed rather quickly. I wrote down the number (on another relic known as paper) and proceeded to call them. The name of the business was not the name I needed…I asked the polite voice on the other line if the number dialed was the correct number. She responded with “Sir, we’ve had this number for…six…years…” I apologized and told her that I just got it from the “new” phone book, to which we both shared a laugh. Now, the internet is not without its failings, but I used the inter provided from the local branch of the library and got it just fine.

In get that the phone book provides a cheap means of advertising, but their target demographic does not use it…unless that target demographic is over 40….. I for one, have never used the telephone directory since the above listed incident, and probably won’t again…at least not for a while. When you don’t have your internet handy, it does provide a service, but it is still a massive waste of time, resources and effort. In addition to my earlier idea, we should sign up for the book the way we do with the newspaper (another way us old folks get news). You know? You want the paper delivered every morning, you pay a subscription, why not do that with the phone book? Hotels and libraries could get a discount, of course, as wouldn’t he elderly.

Folks, if you need anymore information, remember, I’m in the book

Conspiracies you don’t have to be crazy to believe

In annoyances on September 26, 2013 at 3:18 AM

I just read a Facebook status about how the Walmart never has more than a few checkout lanes open and it got me thinking. If you have seventeen lanes, then why are only two open? Why? Its a conspiracy to make you think that they have more lanes. Have you ever seen more than two lanes open? No. Then they decide to invent an self check machine to expedite your shopping. Have you never used one and not have to call a manager because shit doesn’t work? I never have; not even at the library.

Every time, without fail, I go into a shopping centre and…BAM! Only one lane open. I ask the fellow shoppers “why have these lanes open if you don’t if not filled?” One guy countered with “because they want the illusion of being able to serve you”. Its like when the store display has mirrored sides. Are they there to make sure you look good? No, they exist to make you think there is more room, when in fact it is just a 5×6 rectangle plastered with whatever advertising that product’s marketing company can create to entice you, the shopper into buying next. The conspiracy continues with the ads that “suggest” one product pairs well with another. Really? Safeway chicken ONLY pairs well with Safeway rolls and Safeway potato salad? No, your conspiracy does not work on me, Mr. Safeway!

The conspiracy continues with computers. A Mac only works with Mac products. Conspiracy? Duh, haven’t you been listening? Steve jobs created Apple solely to make you buy his products. Think about it, if your PC dies, you pop the hard drive out and replace it. Your Mac dies, and…..gotta get a whole nother computer. Sure, you could argue that the Mac can be replaced. I know personally that when the picture tube dies, its cheaper to buy a completely new system than it is to replace the machine. Sure, Mac saves space by having everything in one convenient package, but how is it saving money when señor Jobs invented a conspiracy machine?

Television is also a conspiracy. They want you to believe a sitcom is funny when in fact it isn’t. Thus then invention of the laugh track. They pipe it in in post production, and you, the unsuspecting viewer hear other people laugh and think “hey, these folks are laughing their butts off, it must be funny!” So you go on your Myface and Facespace and YouBox and tell all of your friends to watch it because damn, its funny!

Music is the same way. You hear the garbage being put out and think, wow, this song is on the radio a lot, this guy must be a great artist! No, the digitally fix his music with this invention called “auto tune” that takes shit and turns it into the best thing imaginable. And you run to the iRuinedthemusicindustry and you buy that one song. Then they tossnout “suggestions” that you might like this other artist, and you say “oohhh, I’ve heard if this guy, I’m going to buy his music!” When I went on the iBriughtthedownfalltotheCDindustry the no other day looking for Bing Crosby records, they told me that this fellow named Drake was a comparable artist. Nope, conspiracy.

Dear readers, I urge you to think for yourself when it comes to purchasing something or when out in daily life, and don’t get sucked in by the fancy words

Thank you for smoking

In smoking on September 23, 2013 at 2:13 AM

I just finished a cigarette, and while doing so, I got to thinking about all the money I spend on tobacco, and all the money that my family spends, and spent on it. I came to the conclusion that smokers, not just my family, but all the smokers in the country must make up at least 70-80% of the nation’s economy. Not just from smoking, but in health and life insurances and surgery.

Think about it, without smokers, a good portion of cancer specialists would be out of work, as smoking (allegedly) causes 80 per cent of all cancers in the world. When you figure all the taxes The government collects from tobacco farms, the gas, the supplies to plant, grow and harvest bacco, then factor in the taxes the workers pay, and the myriad of items the workers purchase, plus everything the consumer does to buy said cigarettes….. You stop to consider that a healthy (meaning non smoker) man pays on average about a dollar a unit of life insurance, and a non healthy (smoker) man pays on average five dollars a unit…that’s 4 extra bucks floating to the company, which the government gets in taxes.

Of course the government won’t tell you this, but THEY LOVE TAXES! Now, each state is different, but in Utah, a can of Grizzly Wintergreen was around 4.00 a can, where in California it is about $3.50 a can. That extra fifty cents? Taxes; taxes that (don’t) go to help pay for schools, or hospitals, or even build roads! I get that people pay taxes to drive, but there are more smokers in this country than there are drivers. Think about it, when’s the last time you found a used cigarette dealership?

Let’s look at the business aspect of it. When the bars in California banned smoking, many of them lost so much business that they had to close down. Vegas is the only place that I know of that allows you to smoke while you gamble away your winnings, but last time I looked they where trying to ban that…like casinos weren’t suffering enough in this economy. Not all business are suffering from no smoking laws, however; people still fly, and ride public transport and take Grayhound to various ports around the country. In most states, you can’t smoke within 25 feet of any publicly operating door or window, others it’s 50, but government buildings have 100 feet; Utah has it where you have to leave the property to smoke at a hospital! Incan see that, its a hospital with oxygen tanks being shuttled around by patients and EMT officials, but at the same time its beyond ridiculous! Do hospitals not understand that each puff brings me and you closer to them being able to afford that new Porsche and beach house? Dumb fucks…

In understand that no one, not even fellow smokers want, nor appreciate having smoke blown in their faces, and I’m OK with that, honestly. But what pisses me off, is that we are such a politically correct society that has to except everyone of a different race, religion, creed, sexual orientation, way of thought, gender, but heaven help you if you smoke! Whats really fucked up is that California wants to ban smoking in every aspect, all the while trying to legalize marijuana! Does pot smoke not get inhaled and exhaled, thus creating that evil demon known as second hand smoke? I personally know people who are deathly allergic to marijuana smoke, but if you smoke it, your just “expressing your self and your individuality” (this is a real quote, by the way) but if you smoke a cigarette or a cigar, then your labeled as a baby killer! The fuck?

If you rent an apartment, you can be denied because you smoke, if you smoke at work, your boss can fire you because of it, AND IT’S ALL LEGAL! Remember when if you where white, you where treated like a king, but if you where black, gay or Jewish you where treated like shit? Yeah…the anti smoker crowd reminds me a lot of the segregation crowd of the 1940s. I get that smoking is bad for you, but the country I live in is called America, and we used to have the freedom to fucking die anyway we chose! No one in the history of man has ever been forced to smoke.

Its the dumbasses that sue “Big Tobacco” (Phillip Morris, R.J. Reynolds) because their products gave them cancer that really piss me off. Did anyone hold a gun to your head and force you to smoke? No! Another problem is the anti smoking cunts who say flavored and colored cigarette packages and smokes “entice young teens”…is your teenager that fucking stupid? When I was 5 a bright colored package appealed to me, but as a teen, I was adjusted well enough to make my own decisions, and didn’t see a pretty color and say “oohhhh, pretty! Mommy buy me!” Shit! The best way to deter young smoking is for your parents to sit you down and discuss the matter. Mine did, and didn’t like the decision to smoke, but I’m grown, and can thus make my own damn decisions!

At some point, the government is supposed to put “graphic images” on cigarette packages. In Europe, they have one warning “SMOKING KILLS” on every bit of tobacco from cigarettes to pipe and cigars. In South America they have warnings that tobacco can make you impotent, and cause your nipples to fall off…neither of which, I’m sure they’ve proven, but hey, its the government… Personally, both my grandmother and uncle have died from lung cancer. I don’t blame tobacco, as they both grew up in a time that asbestos was used in everything, and hekth concerns where null at best.

Now, before you send me hate mail, I’m not, nor have I ever encouraged smoking. I’ve always said that if you do it, know the risks, and be legal in your place of residence. Hell, you have a higher risk of dying from auto accidents than you do from smoking, and no one has to have a license, nor sue car makers for dying! But what really chaps my hide is that alcohol producers such as Anheuser Busch and Coors Brewing Company can sponsor AUTOMOTIVE RACES but not tobacco companies? Who here knows someone who has smoked a cigarette, gotten behind the wheel and killed someone because they where inebriated? Exactly. Smoking is bad, but drinking (which causes more deaths and accidents per year than smoking could) is just legal and good? More young people watch NASCAR and MMA events that are “impressionable” than adults do. Hell, the NFL, which is the biggest sport league in america is sponsored by beer companies! Once again I ask, how is that fair? People who drink are more likely to beat someone to death over enough to get a bottle than smokers are…the fuck?

How many people go to rehab for booze dozens of times? I don’t know of anyone who has a smoking sponsor… The way I look at it, if you want to smoke, fine; just don’t be an ass about it. Thank you for reading.

Creepy times..

In Work on September 20, 2013 at 12:38 AM

If someone asked me what the creepiest thing I had done before today, I wouldn’t have an answer. Today, for a new job, I had to fill out life insurance paperwork. Part of that was to choose a beneficiary and a secondary beneficiary in the event that I die. It was creepy, going through then small circle of people I know, and then even smaller circle of people that I want to benefit from my untimely demise.

I had a few days to think about it, and I kept coming back to two people. The people I chose (who will not be named) where chosen because after I die, they cannot take the burden of burying me alone. One, I want to be taken care of because he is young.

I sat there this morning staring at the little oink card before I filled it out, just thinking “these two will get money if I die on the job. That’s surreal” It’s surreal to think that life will continue after I’m in the ground, and the two that I chose will have that bit of extra to put me away. I’m not worried because I know they will be able to take care of that burden if it happens. In all honesty, I’m a lot creped out by it. Having to narrow down my small list of trusted friends and family really made me taken stock of my life. Who can I count on to take care of me? Who can benefit from it? In the end, however I chose the right people…..I’m sure…

It isn’t a huge amount, but I can rest easy knowing that I’m taken care of. Incan always add more to it if I want.

Get Lucky

In smoking on September 17, 2013 at 4:03 AM

As some of you may remember, I have no regrets in life, so I decided that I wanted to try smoking a cigarette. Not just any cigarette, mind you. This one had to be a Lucky Strike.

My search began many years ago as I was reading Mickey Spillane’s Mike Hammer. He smoked them, as did just about everyone in the 40s and 50s, and I, wanting to live in that time period felt that I could at least try one. If I didn’t like them, them mama would would have an emergency pack for when times where tough.

Like any reasonable person, in asked the gas station up the road from me first.
“Excuse me, do you have Lucky Strike?” I asked the man.
“Not in about forty years, son.” He replied. Little did I know that I would get used to hearing that…
Not a single gas station or confidence store in my town sold them, not even the so-called cigarette shops in town had them. Granted most of them where staffed by Fijians or Arabs who have probably never heard of them before, but I never gave up. Every time I went into a shop my only question was “Do you have Lucky Strikes?” Of course in was met with disappointment, but I was tenacious in my search.

When I went to Utah, my friend smoked Marlboro or whatever was the cheapest unfiltered non-menthol cigarette he could afford. In asked him if the stores around here sold Luckies. He told me “Hop in; let’s find out!” We went to the local Conoco station; nope. Maverick; no. Chevron; sorry, man. Texico; negative. The littlensmoke shops that sold everything else had none. I asked then elderly smokers if there was a town here that carried em, and one guy asked me “Are you from the war? I haven’t heard anyone trying to find them in years, son!” Needless to say that I was met with more disappointment, but I never gave up.

I returned home and still wanted to see if I would like them. I picked up various odd jobs and wanted the sweet taste (according to YouTube videos) if a Lucky. Fast forward a few months, and sadly my grandmother passes. I came into a bit of money and was downtown to buy some pipes and pipe tobacco. I developed a thirst and decided to step into the mini mart that my parents had used for many years. I saw Pepsi and grabbed one on my way to the counter. I plop my beverage down and decided to ask that fateful question yet again.
“Do you by any chance happen to carry Lucky Strike?”
The shopkeeper turns around and….TOSSES A PACK ON THE COUNTER! He tells me “Forrr you, seven fifty.” (He’s from a former Soviet Satellite, you see) I reach into my pocket and produce eight dollars even. I texted my friends and family, none of whom cared, mind you but I had done it! I had lived a dream that I was convinced would never come to fruition, but it did.

That night, after dinner, instead of reaching for a pipe, I produced a Lucky and light up. To my amazement, it really was a great smoke. It doesn’t have the bite that some other tobaccos have, and I enjoy it. Now, I still smoke the pipe, but for short, pleasured breaks, I reach for a Lucky.

I DO NOT ENCOURAGE THE QUEST FOR, THE ENJOYMENT OF, NOR THE REASONS YOU MAY HAVE FOR SMOKING! I ACCEPT NO LIABILITY FOR YOUR CHOICES IN LIFE! YOU WANNA SMOKE? FINE, JUST BE LEGAL AGE IN YOUR PLACE OF RESIDENCE!  Info, however encourage the keeping of and following of your dreams. That moment when you realize them is just bliss!

What’s in a name?

In Life on September 16, 2013 at 1:11 PM

As I sit here watching Tom and Jerry at 3 am, I got to thinking… What’s in a name? It’s just a string of letters hung together to make a word that makes it easier for people to identify you. In all honesty, names are bullshit.

Take for instance this kid in the south whose parents wanted to name him “Messiah”. This total crusaider judge said no, it’ll be too hard on him growing up, and changed it, when the parents just wanted to give the kid a surname. Its just a froggin name! If Mexicans can name their kids Jesus (no matter how you spell it), then why the French can’t someone name their kid messiah? I get that it’s the south, but come on.

Hell, celebrities get away with naming their kids stupid shit like ‘Apple’ and ‘Rock star, I mean Penn Jillette named his girl Moxie Crime fighter, and his boy is named Zoltan or Zoltar! I’m sure their names are the last thing that will fuck them up…

I read a book that had every baby name and its meaning in it; mine came up as “he who is like God”…OK, I’m the exception, but my point still stands. Your name doesn’t define who you are. There is man in the NFL named Aryian for shit sake! Its been a while, but I’m sure black guys are the opposite of Aryian…..no? Hell, just because he was named Adolf Hitler, does make him bad? No, his actions make him bad. Naming your kid Porsche does not make her a German sports car, its just a fucking name. Names are harmless and meaningless. Stripers are named Candi and shit like that, so where are the judges overwriting their choices and saying “no, you’ve got to be named Amanda or Katherine because naming yourself like that is bad”? Its only a name… How many Muslim boys named Muhammad? Of that, how many prophet? None…

My father was named Art, but he couldn’t draw to save his life. Names, in and of them self are meaningless. I get that you can’t go around calling yourself Human 33456778432 and that is why we are forced to have a moniker that is socially acceptable. I do recall a fee years ago that a man tried to name his kids Adolf Hitler and White Pride Arian. That’s just stupid. The Adolf kid could get around if he tried to go by Al, or even claimed to be German, but the white pride thing…that kids gonna need a name change! OK, so I guess that not all names are useless, nor should parents be trying to name their kid some totally offensive name, but for the most part, don’t try to name your boy Sue simply because you want him to be tough…

Tattoos

In exploration on September 13, 2013 at 1:01 AM

Today I got a tattoo. It’s a fairly decent piece, just under the top of my shoulder. I got it at a local tattoo shop, that I didn’t get permission to post their name, so I won’t..sorry.

I went out to get a new pipe, but after funding two that I wanted, I still had some cash. Wanting a tattoo for some time, I decided to see what the historic portion of my town held. I found one shop, but they wanted $280 which was out if my price range. I went a few doors down and found another shop. (Old Sac has a lit if tattoo shops for a so-called “historical” district… ) The shop was located downstairs which I guess is cool if you’re a screamer…  I talked to the guy about it for a while, and he decided the piece was two busy for the word that I wanted but he was all to happy to do the remaining work for $140 even.

Before you ask, I did some research on the subject long before I decided to plop down my money. I knee the risks involved and the chances if getting herpes or HIV, which according to the CDC, you have a higher chance if you go to the dentist that you do if you go get a tattoo. If you read my previous blog, you’ll recall my lack of regrets…..

I had to wait in their waiting area located just outside their private tattoo studios. The leather couch was nice but the television program could’ve been better…not a fan of watching a show about street racing… The wait was about a half an hour, and I did enjoy the leather couch and the friendliness of the workers there.

My tattoo artist, Benji talked me through everything that he was doing, considering that it was my first time…trade…he was gentile with me…considering the nature of his work… His tattoo office was decorated with the usual (I’m guessing) tattoo shop decor; drawings done by the artist, a few pictures of other tattoos, his PhD in tattooology (his words) and a certificate in bloodbourne pathogens.

I removed my shirt as it was in the way of my tattoo, and he set about applying the ink for the outline… It didn’t hurt in the sense that I wanted my mommy, but it was rather annoying to hear the buzzing of the rapid movement of the needle. He asked if I was OK several times, which I was, just bored. He had the hard part of tattooing me, whereas I had nothing to do but focus on the needle dropping the ink into me. He decided to put on “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” and that took the time away pretty fast.

Near the end, however, when he was putting in the red and white, I was ready for him to stop; my arm was so stiff and sore, that I couldn’t stand it anymore! Finally, he said “OK buddy, all done.” I stood up and glanced at it in his mirror. It was fantastic! A beautiful piece. He talked me through all the aftercare and explained all of my questions so that a noob like me could understand how to have a great piece of art on my shoulder. For that, he has gained all of my business…supposing that I get anymore art done to just body….

image

                                             What do you think?

I regret nothing

In Life on September 12, 2013 at 1:21 AM

As I sit here, my 25th year of life is pretty decent. Like all people from life, I’ve had my share of ups and downs, yet looking back, I don’t see anything that I regret.

When I lived in Utah, it was not the best time if my life. If not for my friends, I’m sure I’d be in prison right now, yet no regrets. On the bright side, I got to experience another town, I met and made new friends and acquired my license. The good outweighs the bad.

When my father died, sure it ripped me apart, but I’m not regretting it. In fact, as heartless as it sounds, I’m happy. Not happy that he died, but rather happy that he’s no longer in pain. I spent 21 good years with him, hugged him tight every time I had to lift him into and out of just wheelchair, and unsaid I love you, dad when I did. Sure, I’d love to have a smoke with him again, or seek his fatherly advice some more, but still no regrets.

When my girlfriend dumped me, I was sad, but I don’t regret it. I don’t regret stating smoking, or the failed jobs I’ve had; none if it. I guess maybe because we only get one go around in life, but I don’t want to be on my deathbed saying “hey, I wish I had done this”. I want to look my family in their eyes and say “remember that time…”
I’m often reminded of what my father told me. I said “son, in this life, make sure that you do what you want, because you only get one go around…” Of course, I don’t subscribe to that whole “YOLO” shit, either. Life isn’t absinthe stupid shit that will get you killed, it’s about helping others, being kind, and an ass to the world…

So, in closing, do what makes you happy…provided it’s legal and no one gets hurt.

Law and Order

In TV Shows on September 7, 2013 at 5:51 AM

In July, we lost one if the best actors to ever grace the set if Law & Order. I’m talking, of course about Dennis Farina. He was my favourite character in the series, and just because he had the demeanor of a modern system Mike Hammer, but because he took his real life experience as a cop in Chicago and transferred that to the show. I often times lay awake at night wondering how great the series would’ve been if he and the late Jerry Orbach had been able to team up. Sadly, however Farina came in to replace the departed Orbach, so us fans are left to ponder and create fanfiction to team them.
Orbach’s frumpled old-school detective paired with Farina’s GQ…..man…

Of course, Farina didn’t only star in Law & Order. He made is mark in Hollywood with other police shows like Miami Vice, he also had a role in Snatch, and some Ashton Kutcher flop… The frequent typecast, Farina started his acting career at age 40! With his background, it’s easy to see why he played police officers…
Detective Joe Fontana, when he debuted, my father and I both questioned questioned if he was “on the take” or not, given that his suits where custom tailored, as he often stated when a perp caused him to snag his jacket somehow.
In the episode that I’m currently viewing, Fontana dunks a guys head in the toilet three times, almost comprising the investigation!

I believe the two years with Farina where, by far, the best. If they could’ve put Orbach, Farina and Angie Harmon in the same episode…….

Rest in peace Dennis, your acting abilities where beyond superb! Hope you and Orbach are teaming I’ll in the afterlife

Look what in can do

In annoyances on September 1, 2013 at 1:44 AM

Recently, there has been a ton of backlash over Miley Cyrus’ VMA performance. Unless you live under a rock, you know what I’m talking about. Some face said that she wants to ditch the Disney image as she is growing up. I personally don’t care, but do not believe her, or anyone in todays music its a good role model for the youth of the country.

I also believe that she is dressing and acting like a skit to get back at daddy. I think the Achy Breaky Heart money has dried up, so I doubt that Mullet Ray Cyrus will be saying anything on the subject…

Of course, until the day she dies, Miley will always be known as Hannah Montana, but she is almost (or already) twenty, so we must let go of her. No one gets upset that Brenda Song had a baby with her brother, right?

I know sex sells in the music industry, but when I was a lad, if something came on the tube that we weren’t supposed to watch, we shut it off…not went on TV to complain…

Lady Gaga is another person that in believe is an attention whore; why else would she wear the outfits that she does in public? Remember when no one knew her, and she wore clothes? If thou search long enough, you’ll find get in a tshirt and pants, as opposed to that meat dress she wore a few years ago, or that outfit that made her look like the Witch King from LOTR. I personally don’t often to todays pop music, as I’m an old soul who prefers Sinatra and Queen to anything out today, but I do have the internet and television and don’t want to see Miley or Gaga doing shit and saying that they are a good role model for kids…I’m not a role model, not ever claim to be…

Other people that I think want attention are daredevils such as Evil Kenievil, that idiot who walked across the Grand Canyon a few months ago, people who make a sex tape and then complain when it gets released to the public, people who put their problems on the internet and then ask why everyone is up in their business…you posted it, not me…

Let me know what you think in the comments box below, thanks

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