Conspiracies you don’t have to be crazy to believe

In annoyances on September 26, 2013 at 3:18 AM

I just read a Facebook status about how the Walmart never has more than a few checkout lanes open and it got me thinking. If you have seventeen lanes, then why are only two open? Why? Its a conspiracy to make you think that they have more lanes. Have you ever seen more than two lanes open? No. Then they decide to invent an self check machine to expedite your shopping. Have you never used one and not have to call a manager because shit doesn’t work? I never have; not even at the library.

Every time, without fail, I go into a shopping centre and…BAM! Only one lane open. I ask the fellow shoppers “why have these lanes open if you don’t if not filled?” One guy countered with “because they want the illusion of being able to serve you”. Its like when the store display has mirrored sides. Are they there to make sure you look good? No, they exist to make you think there is more room, when in fact it is just a 5×6 rectangle plastered with whatever advertising that product’s marketing company can create to entice you, the shopper into buying next. The conspiracy continues with the ads that “suggest” one product pairs well with another. Really? Safeway chicken ONLY pairs well with Safeway rolls and Safeway potato salad? No, your conspiracy does not work on me, Mr. Safeway!

The conspiracy continues with computers. A Mac only works with Mac products. Conspiracy? Duh, haven’t you been listening? Steve jobs created Apple solely to make you buy his products. Think about it, if your PC dies, you pop the hard drive out and replace it. Your Mac dies, and…..gotta get a whole nother computer. Sure, you could argue that the Mac can be replaced. I know personally that when the picture tube dies, its cheaper to buy a completely new system than it is to replace the machine. Sure, Mac saves space by having everything in one convenient package, but how is it saving money when señor Jobs invented a conspiracy machine?

Television is also a conspiracy. They want you to believe a sitcom is funny when in fact it isn’t. Thus then invention of the laugh track. They pipe it in in post production, and you, the unsuspecting viewer hear other people laugh and think “hey, these folks are laughing their butts off, it must be funny!” So you go on your Myface and Facespace and YouBox and tell all of your friends to watch it because damn, its funny!

Music is the same way. You hear the garbage being put out and think, wow, this song is on the radio a lot, this guy must be a great artist! No, the digitally fix his music with this invention called “auto tune” that takes shit and turns it into the best thing imaginable. And you run to the iRuinedthemusicindustry and you buy that one song. Then they tossnout “suggestions” that you might like this other artist, and you say “oohhh, I’ve heard if this guy, I’m going to buy his music!” When I went on the iBriughtthedownfalltotheCDindustry the no other day looking for Bing Crosby records, they told me that this fellow named Drake was a comparable artist. Nope, conspiracy.

Dear readers, I urge you to think for yourself when it comes to purchasing something or when out in daily life, and don’t get sucked in by the fancy words

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