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Archive for November, 2013|Monthly archive page

An idea that may actually work?

In Uncategorized on November 30, 2013 at 2:22 AM

As I sit here, I had a jolly good idea. Make vending machines, and thus everything accessible via debit card! Think of how much easier and simpler our lives would be!

As we progress into a more plastic carrying nation, and thus stop using paper money, it would be a boon for banks and the like to manufacture a vending machine that takes debit cards. If you’re like me, then you no longer carry cash, and want a Wild Cherry Pepsi at, oh, say 1:25 AM, but have no cash on hand, and refuse to get dressed and pop off to the nearest petrol station. What’ll you do? Grab your debit card, mates!

How this genius idea will work is like any other debit transaction, you make a selection on the item, crisps, or soda, and insert your debit card, then your pin number. Bam, soda and a bag of crisps!

Not to mention that if you ride buses to and fro, then the debit system is a no go. You need to get to work, but no time to pop off and get a few dollars? Guess you’re late, chum. Not with my debit system. Slid in your card and insert your pin, and your off to work in no time! See, I’m not always blogging about the crude things we should do, this one helps!

We already pay via debit for everything, so why not include vending machines and public transport? The laundromat in my old neighbourhood took credit cards! That’s one I didn’t think of when compiling this list of greatness. We can buy stuff online and have it shipped to us via debit card, so why not have sweets, and soda? Hell, most of us can’t even reach our pockets. Not to mention that we could curd the random drug trades in the street, as I doubt that T-bog wants a paper trail. Strip clubs could also benefit, as a girl will still come to your table with those little machines that read the card, the user inserts an amount he wants to pay (tip included) and then she would start her dance. Want more dances? Just insert another am out and off she goes again. Of course we would still have the cash option, but after a few years they would be fazed out, either from lack of use, or the government decided that paper and coin money is a fallacy. And not to mention that paper money, such as a dollar or a penny costs somewhere between half and double the amount of the denomination to make, where plastic cards can be made for next to nothing and hold billions. See economical!

They burn paper money after it gets too old. Plastic cards can be melted down and made into anything like a Corvette for instance…that you bought with…..a new debit card! Its the circle of life! And, as technology progresses, we will manufacture new ways of producing the cards, and eventually, plastic will non longer get used, saving the hippy crybabies and their hippy tears. See? Works for everyone!

So, in closing, the debit card is a boon, and as soon as our government rulers realize this, the better, and more convenient our lives will be.

Fairness?

In Life on November 21, 2013 at 11:51 AM

Recently at work, we where discussing tattoos. Showing pictures, one of my coworkers commented on another’s choice to get a side tattoo. They asked me if I had any, and of course I do, so I told em. My coworker called me a racist white trash piece of shit because I have a tattoo of the Confederate flag on my shoulder. She went on to say that it is the single most horrible time in the nation’s history. And that I could never be any good. I tried to explain the real reason behind the war, but of course, she wasn’t having any of it.

If my tattoo is racist to you, then so be it. The real reason for the war had nothing to do with race; it was a war to preserve the Union, as Lincoln knew that if the South could succeed with splitting off and forming their own country of sorts, what’s to stop the North, the East, West, and Central states? He knew that if that happened, we would no longer be the United States of America, but we would be more like Europe; one Continent, many countries, and our economy would cripple, and eventually, England could come back over and rule.

I got the tattoo because I’m proud of southern heritage. Before you ask, NO ONE IN MY FAMILY EVER HAD SLAVES! We didn’t believe in working for nothing, and still don’t. I have two friends that are more like brothers to me, and neither of which are white. Side note, General Robert E. Lee and his men didn’t have a single slave!

The same coworker said that my flag tattoo symbolizes the single most bloody, horrible time in our nation. I countered with “How many people since Hawaii and Alaska have been recognized as stars have died for and because of Old Glory?” I love the nation, and always will, but if we remove every shred of anything that is symbolic of a bloody period in our history, let’s remove the American flag. Let’s tell every courtroom, and the US Mint to remove God, as too many wars have been fought because of that religion? Let’s tell Sony, Toyota, Hyundai, Honda, Lexus, BMW, Mercedes-Benz, Porsche, Jaguar, VW, and all the like that they cannot fly their respective flags because it harkens back to a time in America’s history that we would rather not remember. Why we don’t is simple: Freedom of Expression. They can fly the Japanese Flag outside if the Sony building in Times Square, even though they bombed us at Pearl Harbor because of it. The Mini Cooper can have the Union Jack on its roof because of it. We can advertise “You can’t beat the power of GERMAN engineering” when we go into a Volkswagen dealership, when how many Jews did the Nazi soldiers kill in their camps? But I’m labeled a racist because I have the flag of the Confederate States on my shoulder? I say fuck you, read a real history book, and not that watered down tripe they force feed you in school.

Now, if I actively discriminated against the people of a different race, then yes, label me a racist, because by all means, I would be one. If you are going to judge me, then you, yourself had better make damn sure you’re perfect! I don’t go up to a person of a different skin tone and show off my tattoo. This beauty hasn’t seen the light of day since I got it. (Because the weather turned, and I have to wear shirts for work all day).

So, in closing, if we remove the Confederate flag because of its alleged racist connotations, then remove Old Glory and God, because more people have died, and will die for that, then the entirety of both the Union and the Confederate Armies combined.

Thank you for reading, and feel free to comment below and share your opinions with me!

Get a job

In Work on November 16, 2013 at 3:48 AM

As a recently employed man, I’m entitled to complain about a few things. Things like the parasites who suckle on my taxpaying teat, and no, I’m not not going to complain about the government…well, I’ll try not to… I mean the wastes of flesh who tell the eagle “I need that government money for my baby”. Bullshit, your kids don’t eat because you’re coke habit is more important!

Recently, I read an actual newspaper where they said jobless claims are down here in California, and I got to thinking ‘where’? Everyday on my way to work, I pass no less than eight or nine of these disgusting assholes who demand I give them money for food. By food, of course, I mean booze. I tell them all to get a job, and buy your own damn food, not because I’m a callous meiser, but because even at noon, they smell like a brewery! And, because I work in a public setting, I’m forbidden from locking the doors and telling them to fuck off…

I am, however, all to happy to give them the information of my company, and (in vain) try to get them to get employment. See, I’m not a heartless old codger, you see, I just prefer to have them get their own employment and make something of themselves, rather than, say, beg on the streets for the scraps of society. I grew up without a lot of money, so I know the value of a dollar, not to mention that my dad instilled in me a sold work ethic of get up, go to work, support yourself and your family, something that, sadly, is all lost on today’s youth.

I know that its not daisy to find “good” work, as one such feller put it. However, that’s bullshit. There are jobs to be had, but your lazy ass doesn’t want to get it because that means putting down the PlayStation and getting off your ass for a few hours each day. Something I never thought I’d ever say to someone is “You can’t stat at the top and work your way down”. All of the youths want to be a CEO out of high school nowadays, but that isn’t going to happen! You start at the very bottom of your shit tree and scrape up more, then work your way up!

I mean, the illegal immigrants, for instance. Do you think they decide to come over here because farm work is easy? Fuck no! They come here because its the greatest land on this globe, and they take these farm jobs because…are you ready? THEY HAVE FAMILIES TO SUPPORT! We wouldn’t have people complaining “They took are jobs!” if we (you) weren’t so damn lazy and stupid, we’d have those farm jobs, the menial labour jobs, the landscaping gigs, but no, we want to have the good, cushy jobs! Well, tough shit, you fucking crying crybaby!

When I came home from Utah, I took three jobs as a handyman, or a help around the house guy. Did I want to do them, no. Did I take them gladly? Fuck yeah! Why? Bills piled up, and my family needed to eat, and I’m far to proud to eat government money all damn day! So don’t tell me, there’s no jobs, when everyday I see kids mowing lawns to help out, or, just to have their own money! There aren’t jobs you want simply because your a disgusting lowlife sucm-fucker who refuses to get a job and pay to support your kids, because you’re too damn stupid to wear a condom in the first place.

So, in closing, if you’re worried about the Mexicans taking the good jobs, go to college (if you want), and…..GET A JOB! Every time we collect a welfare check, an illegal gets a paycheck.

Unhealthy is happy

In annoyances on November 4, 2013 at 2:12 AM

Let’s face it, America. We are an unhealthy nation. We smoke, drink, east fucking burgers, drive recklessly take more medications than ever before, and know what? We’re fucking happy! Sure, we’ll probably die young from it, but, fuck it, we are happy!

Skinny asshats may say “being fat is unattractive”, but fuck you, skinny dude! Fat people make your life easier. Think about it, we get bigger ambulances, bigger beds, bigger chairs, spend more money on failed gym memberships, and higher health and life insurance rates, and you skinny fuckers get to benefit from it. Personally, I’m just south of 220 pounds, and I love it!

Fall is upon us, and every skinny person wants to cuddle up with a fat guy, weither or not they want to admit it. Us fat guys are warm, we cuddle better, and, because we’re fat, we try harder to please our women. Ask one of them skinny turds on the street, and they’ll deny it, but secretly they want to come home to a bear of man and be wrapped in his loving embrace. Hell, at work I was asked out by a female coworker. I told her that it wouldn’t work out between us for a number of factors, one of which (besides it being forbidden by my workplace) was that skinny women piss me off. If she changed jobs, gained about 30 pounds, then maybe it could work.

I know that us fat guys who eat a solid diet of red meat, smoke unfiltered cigarettes, drink hard liquor, take drugs will die before we reach fifty, but fuck you, this is America. To quote the great Ron Swanson “If I want to balloon up to 600 pounds, and siege of a heart attack before im forty, i can do that”. This is America, if you don’t like it, tough shit!

Reasons why I could never run for public office…..

In possibility on November 2, 2013 at 12:56 AM

As I age, I grow. Not mature, but rather grow a new mindset. Things I once thought to beĀ  “idiotic” or foolish, I now see myself thinking second on. Take for instance my previous blog concerning gay marriage. When I was younger, I was dead set against it. I even found myself saying “if we let queers marry each other, then we might as well pass a law letting them fucking marry a goat!” I have since changed my opinion. Now, I couldn’t care any less if two men or two women want to marry one another. Hell, if two heterosexual people can marry, divorce and not raise their children, then fuck it, the gays and lesbians can too!

Now for two (or more) reasons I cannot run for public office. Reason one…I would legalize prostitutes. Think about it, selling is legal, so is coitus. Why not put the two together? Hell, the bible says its the oldest profession, right? However, there are a few strings attached. Like A, it would ONLY be legal in a brothel where the girls have protection, both sexual and physical, and not on the streets. You sell your disgusting ass on the corner, get locked up. In a brothel, you try to rape a girl, you get the shut beaten out of you, which you deserve. On the streets, you get raped, and you’re screwed…in more ways than one. You can’t go to the police, because you can’t admit to whoring yourself out, else you face arresting yourself. In a brothel, they have weekly and monthly screenings and protection that is mandated, not to mention no fluid-to-fluid contact so, both parties are safe.

The rules would be the same, with the women deciding on what and whom they wanted to spend their time on. If you pay for an hour, but finish in ten, oh, well no refunds. The woman doesn’t want you to use toys up her ass, then find one who does. I would put the brothels in a part of town that no kid walking by with their mama would have to see, and we would use tasteful advertising, not that garbage you see on the internet with half or 3/4 naked women advertising a good time. Of course some of the women would have kids, and they would be taken care of…in a daycare center onsite but away from the girls and their work. The madams would be certified in all manner of health training, and they would have doctors onsite to treat any and all problems. The brothels would have weekly and monthly screenings for AIDS and other STDs, just like the Nevada brothels have. However, this being California, if you wanted to smoke afterward, you would have to go to a designated smoking area, and cannot smoke inside the rooms.

The next reason that I could never be a politician is because I would legalize marijuana. Now before you go cheering it, let me explain why. I would let it be smoked anywhere in town, like Washington and Colorado. No, you would be confined to one neighbourhood, gated with signs up proclaiming something to the effect “WARNING! MARIJUANA SMOKED HERE! IF YOU DON’T WANT, OR LIKE IT, THEN DO NOT ENTER! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!” The reason for this warning sign is because a growing number of people are allergic to the smell, and the particles of pot smoking. My aunt for one is counted amongst that number. I would also have food delivered to that gated neighbourhood simply because I don’t want a bunch of stoned fucktards driving around my streets trying to get to point B, and end up killing some poor kid. Also, if you work, which many of them don’t, you would be barred from any job requiring you to operate heavy machinery, nor could you work directly with the public. I.E. bus driver, pilot, police officer……..also, on your smoke breaks, it would kept to a legal, tobacco filled cigarette, because as I said earlier, you’re not in your pot neighbourhood. This, naturally would come with its detractors, citing freedoms and civil rights and all that other mother jazz, but, hey…no one said you’ve got to live in, or around these neighborhoods! I would also create a smoker’s area for smokers of regular tobacco, but that’s another blog for another day…..

Both of these ideas are just that, ideas. I would have better luck with the pot thing, given the re sent political climate than I would with prostitution, even though it, too used to be legal until the church stopped it some hundreds of years ago…even if one of their main characters was, herself, a whore…..whatever, that makes no since to me… Pot, used to be legal, as well, until they stopped it. Someone told me that William Randolph Hearst ran a smear campaign because his magazines needed paper from trees, but I think they where quoting Family Guy… Anyhow, hemp, the plant can be used for many other things besides smoking and getting high. The hemp fibers can be used to make rope, clothing, and even (so hippies at work tell me) medicine. I get that they give it to cancer patients to ease their terrible pain and suffering, but I’m not sold on the whole eating it thing….just saying. I for one would never use marijuana, but whatever, I’m not here to judge you, or your lifestyle, just here to spread my opinion…

Nor would I use a prostitute, as I believe that sex should be shared with someone whom you love…but, once again…judge..live… However, the pot and whores thing, above all else, helps the economy. Think about it, whores need money too. That money goes to buy houses, food, cars…no, they wouldn’t live at the brothel…could you imagine taking your date there after a night out? I would, however support the working girls more than I would the pot, as I still believe recreational pot smokers are hippies, and hippies are deadbeat, lazy scumbags who suckle off the teat of society, all the while complaining about “the man” taking all from everyone…..sorry, this has taken an odd turn…

what are your thoughts on the issue? Would you vote for me, or even donate to the campaign that would never exist? Let me know in the comments section, please, and thank you!

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