Ecomentalists are stupid

In annoyances on December 5, 2013 at 11:31 PM

As I sit here writing this at the Starbucks, I’m bombarded with car after car, all those stupid hybrids! I thought that I’d take the time to enlighten you and the owners themselves as to why they are stupid cars.

I live in California, which is the most liberal, hippie state in the union, and I see hybrids with stickers reading “Save the planet, drive electric” and I laugh at their stupidity. Firstly, hybrids cause more damage to the environment than a petrol engine simply because the nickel is mined in Canada, shipped to China to be refined, and shipped to Japan to be turned into a battery and stuffed into a car BEFORE its shipped (on an ocean bound freighter, no less) to America, where, inevitably, it gets shipped (again, more pollution) to Canada and Mexico, not to mention the ports of the west coast have to ship it via land to Kansas which puts more pollution into the air! So, how, exactly is that safe for the planet over, say, a Hummer’s carbon output? Answer is, it’s not! You’re stupid, and deserve to be shot into the sun.

Then we get into the safety factor. The Smart Car, you know that thing that looks like that Little Tykes car we all had growing up, is always getting the worst crash test safety ratings from Consumer Reports for front end collision due to the fact that they have NO PROTECTION FROM THE ENGINE SMASHING INTO YOUR LEGS AND CHEST! A Hummer, or even a Chevy Malibu you’d stand a better chance of walking away. Then there’s the fact that the Smart Car looks stupid, has a tiny little petrol tank that only holds enough fuel for a short trip to the shops and no boot. The Smart Roadster’s gearbox takes an eternity to shift over; its as if it has to think…am I a pencil…no…am I a piece of celery…no…Oh, that’s it, I’m a gearbox!

The Toyota Prius is also the stupidest thing to ever come from Japan. Let’s have an electric motor to power the wheels! Fucking stupid. Hybrid drivers are all smug pieces of shit who deserve to be shot into the sun, as do the people who think they are cool. The aren’t, and you are a moron. There should be a law that allows the hybrids to be smashed into the walls, NASCAR style. I’ve yet to see a hybrid that is good enough to own (Ford Fusion, anyone).

And there’s the all electric models like the Nissan Leaf or Chevy Bolt. Here’s an idea, we shouldn’t have cars that have to be charged into a lead just so we can make it to work. I blame this asinine idea for Detroit’s bankruptcy. Maybe design and build a car for an individual market. California, Oregon, and Washington get the dumb fucking ideas like the electric cars and hybrids, whereas the rest of the world gets the V8, V10, V12, and even the V16 engines that we want! I don’t care what discounts the idiots may receive, I want a gas-guzzler that gets me to point Z while having to fill up at every point along the way. What’s wrong with that?

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